What's going on?

I'm absolutely gutted.

I guess, for the most part, things have been okay lately. My Aussie friend and I went out a few weekends ago and got stupid drunk, and then got pulled over by the police. Fuckin' sweet! I have the worst judgement ever and I'm a horrible friend. When will I ever smarten the fuck up? Seriously. I guess it's better that than a car crash, but still... I need to stop being such an idiot when I'm drunk. I actually didn't drink this weekend that just passed, because of that incident. No wait, I lie, I had a couple glasses of wine on Friday night in my backyard with my friend and my house mom. 

Amsterdam next Saturday for another Aussie friends going away bash, and I do plan on getting stupid drunk, once again. I need it. Am I turning into an alcoholic? I wonder. I'd hate to take the same path that so many of my family members took. I'm better than that aren't I? 

Aren't  I?

Just over 5 months until I'm home. Thank fucking God. Although I'll probably hate it about a month after I'm home and peace out once again soon after that... But I'm planning on staying within North America so at least I won't be so far from home. 

I really don't know what's gotten into me. It's not even like I have a shitty life. My life is good. I'm living in another country, the family that I live and work for is incredible, the friends I have here are great, I have family and friends back home that love me.

Twenty-five years and my life is still

Trying to get up that great big hill of hope

For a destination

And I realized quickly when I knew I should

That the world was made up of this brotherhood of man

For whatever that means

And so I cry sometimes

When I'm lying in bed

Just to get it all out

What's in my head

And I am feeling a little peculiar

And so I wake in the morning 

And I step outside

And I take a deep breath and I get real high

And I scream at the top of my lungs

What's going on?