Do you even know what "family" means?

I don't think you do. I almost want to say "the next time you need me, I won't be there" but that's not like me. Even though you are hardly ever there for me, I will always be there for you because I love you and because that's how I roll. I'll drop this for now and move on but you really need to open your eyes and realize that there's more to life than a significant other. There's no need for you to be attached at the hip, day in and day out. This has been going on for 3 years now and it's getting a little old. I know this is kind of mean because he's a really nice kid, but I don't even like him anymore because he's always with you and I hate him for that. Does he not have some friends he can hang out with for a couple hours every once in awhile so that you can spend some "quality time" with your family? ...stupid question.

For the first time in my life, I have realized that I can be happy by being alone. For the last 5 years or so I have been in relationship after relationship, 5 of them to be exact. And for the last 5 years, I have been completely miserable and I'm just now understanding why. It's because boys bring me down with all of their drama and their lies and their infidelity. You're supposed to be happy when you're in a relationship, and I don't think I've ever been truly happy in any relationship. There was always too many problems going on, but I always thought that I needed someone else to make me happy. I realize now that I was wrong. Very wrong. The only person who can make me happy is me. It's funny, 2008 has just begun and so far, it's been a rough year. But I can't remember ever being happier, and it's because I'm finally on my own. Finally realizing that it's okay to be alone. I don't know why I didn't think of this before, it would have saved me an awful lot of heartache. And I don't know why I always (used to) let boys use me. I don't deserve to be lied to, I don't deserve to be cheated on, I don't deserve to be treated like garbage, especially when I am nothing but honest and faithful to you. I am worth more than that and I am finally seeing this. Hallelujah! 

So glad to finally be happy and content with life! No boyfriend, no problems. And I'm actually starting to hang out with girls more often than guys, which is so unlike me. But I love my lady friends and I wouldn't have it any other way. The only thing that could make me happier is if there was a million dollars in my bank account or if I could leave this shithole. Honestly, people wonder why I'm always on drugs. There's absolutely nothing to do here, what else do you expect people to do in their free time? Getting away from here would help with my sanity so much. 

I've seen more spine in jellyfish

Sometimes I really wish that you would just stand up for yourself. Be a fucking man! Just for once. I believe in equality, and it's clearly not happening here. I'm honestly sick, but most of all, tired of this nonsense. Can you blame me? For every single thing that I get in trouble for, he gets away with. He gets everything handed to him on a silver platter, while I struggle. He had it so easy but I would never trade with him, ever. His upbringing is only going to screw him in the long run. Bottom line is, we're two "children", and I deserve to be treated the same way that you treat him. And as much as I love him, he is a spoiled rotten brat. And please don't threaten me when I bring this up. You know it's true just as much as I do, you just don't want to stand up to her. Sorry but unlike you, I'm not going to back down. I thought you weren't either... ah, women, they cast a spell on you.
(I hope you know that)

And please, do me a favour and keep your mouth shut about my current job status. It's not helping and to be completely honest, I'm only 21 years old and I'm not really thinking about what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life. At this point, I could care less. All I care about is getting a job anywhere and saving some cash to travel and get the hell out of here. Even if only for a week. Travel. My heart yearns for it.

On a brighter note, today the birds were chirping and I cried for the first time in weeks. That's a good thing, right?

So, is that what you call a getaway?
Well tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.

So, I guess I'm blogging now... stay tuned.